I didn't even know I loved you till I did

I didn't even know I loved him till I did. It was a matter of .30 seconds that changed everything. It wasn't ever supposed to happen the way it did. Never in my wildest dreams would I of imagined things to be what they are today. I would like to say I didn't know it was coming, but that would be a lie. I guess it's true all the best things in life come unexpectedly. He became the green light at the end of Daisy Buchanan's dock without even realizing it. All consuming and intoxicating would be a pretty accurate description of how he orbited my world. Within seconds from meeting him I knew he was going to play a pivotal part in my life. Isn't it funny how that happens? We meet someone and somehow you just know that they will be forever engrained in your life. Maybe it was his sarcastic banter that intrigued me or the fact that we could have a conversation without saying anything. His voice was the eye of my storm, calm cool and collected. Like the changing of the tides i would get lost in his blue ocean eyes.I couldn't get enough of him, especially after a few drinks. Once the liquor would touch my lips it was game over. Every wall that I put up instantly came shattering down like a little boy throwing a stone at a glass house. There was an unspoken language between us that only got louder as the drinks got stronger. Anyone on the outside looking in would call him and I magnetic and sometimes even karmic. Like clockwork we always wind up back in each others lives . Or at the very least the same place. It very seldom that he didn't enter my headspace, even after everything that happened. At the end of the day he was my kryptonite and I couldn't get enough. All these things are things i figured out after the fact of course. He was everything i didn't know i wanted. The mask that he put on to the world was translucent to me. I witnessed the truth in his eyes and his capacity to love within all his pain. We found comfort in each other in our most vulnerable states. Confessing childhood traumas that even to this day we wont speak on. I'll never forget the first time I kissed him. I couldn't tell you exactly where we were but i can tell you exactly how i felt. The taste of whiskey on his lips and my cigarette paired perfectly as we kissed. I was lost in the moment and almost forgot to come up for air. I didn't even know what was happening when it was happening. After all this time my suspicions were right. As his fingers entangled within mine I felt safe for the first time in years.